Searching for forward & finding something far greater

What an incredible week this has been! From the lowest of lows to the highest of highs and the ecstasy that lies in all of that. I have been stuck in my life and therefore in my way with my horses. When I finally got on Scout for the first time with the saddle on, no matter what I did, I could not find forward. I tried everything I could think of and then called a friend for assistance. It was suggested I was being far to soft with all my horses and creating pushy, dis-respectful animals and I needed to be more assertive. So I used my energy and body language in the round yard at liberty to get Scout moving out. She ended up doing this well and I was instructed to jump on her and immediately use force to get her to move out. I was in a frazzle by this stage and following instruction's without thought. I jumped on Scout and put my leg on her hard numerous times and then used the rope forcefully to ask for forward. Needless to say, Scout was not at all impressed with this new change in my demeanour and nor was I. She told me in no uncertain terms by bucking me off (and who could blame her!). She was communicating with me on the same level with which I was communicating with her. The session continued with me jumping back on and asking again but getting nowhere other than feelings of immense pain, displeasure and total trauma that I could fail my horse in such a major way. I walked away bleeding and bruised on many levels.

The next morning for the first time since Scout joined me, she did not whinny to me when she saw me. At lunchtime as I sat outside she looked at me sideways, again without her usual whinny, instead turning her rump on me and walking away. I was shattered!!!

Through my greatest misery came my most important insight ever. I have often wondered what happens during the journey from childhood to adulthood. How do we lose that connection to nature that seems to happen without thought. No thought was given to jumping on my horse bareback and letting him gallop wildly across the paddocks, me whooping with joy without negative thought, just enjoying the moment.

I finally got that today and realised what I have been missing all this time. Reading endless books on what is right and wrong in how I should be with the horses, taking lessons from people to try to find my way again, begging the horses to accept me in a pitiful way as I pined once again to feel that boundless uninhibated joy that I felt as a child.

There is no right and wrong!!! There is only now and the celebration that lies in the moment. I realise how much horses respond to me when I am living in the moment instead of being stuck in my mind thinking about how to do this, what could go wrong etc. In that moment, I knew what to do! I ran into the paddock and down the hill to where the horses stood under a tree. The neighbours horses saw me first and startled slightly then quickly turned tails up snorting then joining me running along the fence beside me. When I got down to my horses, Lacey was already prancing around in circles tail up snorting. Scout calmly walked straight over to me and I leapt on to her back and she immediately moved forward up the hill. No tack to inhibit her, no halter to lean against, no saddle to restrict her, just the surging energy from my body to hers. I smiled as she walked out calmly, soon stopping under a shady tree. I sat on her back and groomed her mane, neck and tail with my fingers. She craned her head forward in pleasure dropping her ears to the side and then turned her head around to my foot and stood for sometime breathing on my toes till her eyes closed as if in relief that I finally understood what she was trying to tell me all this time. She is so sensitive to the energetic connection and needs me to be present in mind and body before she will happily work with me. When riding her at complete liberty like this she is extremely soft and will follow any slight direction from my body. She will try hard to understand what it is I am communicating to her as she has nothing to brace against. Without my usual uncertainty about how to ask her or what to ask everything just flows. No tack to inhibit us, just true connection and the ease that follows that.

Little Lacey

I let the horses into the house yard to have a pick of the grass. I sit out there under a tree to work on the computer sometimes. I had some music playing from my laptop and Lacey found it very fascinating, She is growing fast and is an absolute joy to be around. She still loves people and in the hope of more pats, has often chased visitors car's down the driveway as they leave. She is an incredibly agile and sure footed little filly. I was walking up the steep back paddock to check the fences and the horses all decided to follow. There are some steep parts and it is all loose rock so it gets slippery to. Lacey comes down there at a gallop effortlessly clearing fallen logs on the way down. It is a great paddock to raise foals in as it will ensure she is able to handle that sort of terrain barefoot in the future. Here is a video of her in the house yard. She is nearly 5 months old now - how time flies. Oh and as you can see her mane still has not dropped. She is doing a great impression of a przewalski horse!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwHyfJF9iu0

Scout's First Saddle

Today on an impulse, I decided to put a saddle on Scout for the first time. She handled the whole process in her usual calm way. I would have thought she had worn a saddle 100 times. I showed her the saddle before I put it on her. She sniffed it with mild interest then stood quietly. I had her standing free and she did not move off but just stood as I did the girth up. Here is a video of how it all went when I asked her to move out with the saddle on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJNzfQy7DT0

I am attempting to lift my energy when I work with her now and I am seeing more enthusiasm from her since I started to do that. She is becoming much lighter to work with and is very willing to learn new things. I cannot recommend this breed highly enough. Scout shows me such incredible intellect and she has fast become a very loyal friend.

Happy New Year!

A belated happy new year to you all. This year promises to be a good one and things are moving full steam ahead here it seems.

I took Lacey and Scout for their first walk off the property together. Lacey loved every minute of it and was prancing ahead like a little deer. She is so pretty to watch move. My friends daughter was leading her and Lacey was incredible. With no pressure on the lead rope, she walked when Lani walked, she trotted when Lani jogged and she stopped when Lani stopped. This was only the about the fourth time she has had a halter on and she acted like she had been doing it for years. We took them down to the creek and let Lacey go. She investigated alot but stayed close by. Scout walked through the fast flowing creek completely unperturbed as I expected.

This year will be another exciting one as I plan to jet off to the USA in June to find the first Spanish Mustang stallion to bring out to Australia. I have a few lovely prospects to look at but as I have experienced in the past, these horses tend to choose you so I am excited to see what will come of it. I will be visiting many states including the Cayuse Ranch in Wyoming where it all started. It will be wonderful to see all the horses and to meet the people in the lovely Spanish Mustang community who have been so welcoming to me from the start.

I hope to also start Scouts qualification for endurance this year. We will probably only get 2 x 40kms done this season and then next season we will both finish our qualification rides so we are eligible for open competition. This is all dependent on Scout and if she seems interested to go this way. She enjoys our walks out and seems to want to know what is around the next corner. I rode her again in the round yard the other day and she was very good as expected.

I hope that each and everyone of my readers has a joyous 2010 filled with love and laughter.

Contemplation's

I have been having wonderful times with the horses of late. So much so that I have not updated my blog since the Mel Flemming Clinic! I would have to say that this clinic was the most profound, eye opening clinic I have ever been to. Mel has an incredible way about her - one which I have not seen often. She seemed to me to be completely devoid of ego and totally open to the experience of further expanding her way with horses. She has a true gift and it was beautiful to watch her interaction with people and horses at the clinic. It is hard to adequately describe the experiences I had over the 3 days and perhaps doing so would take away from that somewhat. My experiences were unique and eye opening and I would highly recommend anyone seeking a deeper experience with your horse to attend.

Sienna did so well despite my initial fears. The biggest message I got from wherever these messages come from is that at this stage she is not to be ridden. I rode her bareback at the clinic however Mel made me aware of how the saddle (when correctly fitted) is better for the horse when perhaps the rider is not in perfect balance which I am not yet. It was my intention to start Sienna to saddle on the final morning of the clinic but I got a clear message that this was not my way forward with this horse. Sienna affirmed that for me in a deep and beautiful way. I could never have imagined our connection getting even deeper than it already was however it has in a profound way.

On returning home I started instead riding Kiowa to learn the new skills that Mel had taught me. I always like to give my horses a choice before riding and will saddle them without a halter in an open paddock. That way I feel they are totally free to express their desire to be ridden or not. I have taken Kiowa out 3 times now and each time she has come up to me to be saddled. She seems to thoroughly enjoy our outings and each time I feel I am getting to know her better. I feel a slight barrier in her that we have not been able to pass as yet. It comes on an energetic level not on a perceptable one. She seems to be holding herself back from connecting fully for fear of loss. She is an absolute angel to do anything with and for a horse that has had limited ridden experience she is a true delight. She has such a different way about her and although over the past 6 months she has hidden the childlike spark she showed so openly in the past, she is still her calm, gentle self in all dealings with me. I think that the guard she has built may have been caused by me having to move so often in the past 18 months. During that time she was moved 4 times into and out of different herds due to restrictions I had in finding a paddock for my horses to stay together. Seeing the impact this has had on her makes me even more determined to find some way to one day own my own property so my horses never have to experience that uncertainty again.

So back to Sienna, I had a moment after the clinic where I doubted the message I thought I had received. Sienna was quiet and willing for the most part in all our lessons together and she seemed to enjoy my company as much as I do hers. So I asked her to come into the round yard with me at liberty which she did. I showed her the saddle and she looked at it and looked at me. I put it on her and she stood nicely at liberty whilst I did the girth up loosely. I asked her to move with the saddle on. She showed a little unsureness at the new feeling however she still moved out as I asked. Then an interesting thing happened. The other 3 horses came running over to the yard, Scout and Kiowa looking very upset. They were putting their heads through the rails then tapping on the gate trying to get in. It was at that same moment I felt a strong feeling that this was just so wrong. I was almost in tears as I asked Sienna to me and removed the saddle and stood with her quietly for sometime. I have had her in my life for over 3 years now and always when people see what we are doing together and ask why she isn't started to saddle, I explain that she has not suggested that she is ready for that. This may change in the future but for now it seems she still isn't and may never be and that is more than fine with me. I do not have any of these horses in my life for the sole purpose of riding or what they can do for me. They are simply my family and my world. I take great joy in each minute I spend with them. I don't ride regularly as it has become secondary to the incredible pleasure provided just by closely living side by side with these animals. This is not to say that I am against riding, I am not at all and am enjoying the newfound experiences I am having whilst riding Kiowa. It is more to say that there is so much more to enjoy than just riding.

I was laughing with delight the other day as I walked out into the paddock after a storm and asked the mares to come walking with me. We went up the mountain, Sienna by my side at liberty while the other mares followed close behind. When we got to the top paddock I started running through the trees and up the next hill. The girls all bucked and snorted and played around me. When I stopped, they stopped and had a nibble of the new grass coming through. When I walked they followed. For me there is no better experience that I could imagine than having these mares choose to welcome me into their herd.

It has been a wonderful year filled with learning and welcoming Scout and Lacey into our little herd. Yesterday I walked with the mares around the front paddock. I started pulling weeds as I slowly walked around the track I have put in for them. I was doing this for about an hour and noticed the whole time Sienna watched me, ears pricked, mesmerised. Everytime I looked up at her she was watching me. It seems perhaps she is as intrigued by me as I am by her. Eventually she came very close and put her head to my back breathing deeply. How truly blessed I am to share these times with them.

I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time this year to follow my journey with my horses. I am very grateful for your comments and support. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas filled with love and laughter.

An Incredible Gift

Sienna is a true soul mate to me. When I rescued her from the doggers back in March 2006, she was a deeply traumised, very wild brumby mare. I have taken her training extremely slowly over the years. I always wanted to work at a pace that suited her and did not take away from the incredible relationship we have built together. I have a deep respect and honour for her and have always wanted to allow her to hold on to the 'wildness' that makes her such a joy to behold.

Yesterday was a milestone. I have done some small rides on her however no more than about 5 minutes at a time. She still isn't trained to saddle as she has not indicated that she is ready for this yet. Today I went out with a friend - she rode her green horse and I walked beside Sienna as I usually do. I decided to hop on her and we had our longest ride ever. We did lots of long trots and cantered twice which she has so far never done with a rider. She was an angel the whole time and really looked after me. I feel so blessed to have her with me. I know it may not seem like much but to me it was the best experience I have ever had with a horse. After spending so much time building trust I feel so grateful to her for allowing me to ride her.

I am going on a 3 day Mel Flemming clinic http://www.melfleming.com.au/ this weekend with Sienna and cannot wait. I hope to improve my skills to a level that will be more tolerable for Sienna. She is an incredibly sensitive mare and I often feel very sloppy in my body language and body position when I am working with her. She is incredibly tolerant of my misgivings!

Here is some footage I took this morning of the liberty play we do together. She excuses my mistakes and sloppiness as a rider and teaches me each day how to be a better person.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slNvBKhpodw

Venturing Out

I have again altered the way I behave around Scout. She is a strong, independent mare who is happy to please if asked in a no nonsense, polite way. She is not to keen on touch and I finally realised that I am constantly invading this boundary by wanting to pat her. I thought alot about this the other afternoon when my lovely border collie, Storm was pushing my hand and being very insistent in asking me to pat her. I have had Storm in my life for over 10 years now and I adore her however she often invades my personal space begging for constant attention. It does get quite irritating to me as I have a strong need for respect of my personal space. It finally occurred to me that this is how Scout feels and this is why she tends to walk up to me, sniff my hand and quickly walk away before I play out my unconsious response to want to touch her. So I have been tuning in to her much more and feeling her energetic boundary when I enter the paddock. I will sit down at the point that I feel her boundary extends to and she will happily stay near me and have a nap. I had an arabian mare who was much the same in this way. I quickly learnt not to touch her unless invited and she was undoubtedly one of the greatest horses I ever owned. She would look out for me when I was riding her and when I was working other horses. She would always appear to supervise a training session I was doing with Sienna and on one occassion when Sienna took fright and I jumped off her, my arab mare quietly blocked her exit and sent her back to me. I feel that Scout will be one of these types of horses.

Scout and I took our first short stroll off the property the other day. She was alert and very soft and responsive the whole time. I only took her a short way up the road and stood with her so she could eat grass and get more relaxed about it all. The other horses were going absolutely crazy with her not being in the paddock. Scout called to them a few times but willingly walked beside me on a slack lead. A couple of cars passed and she did not flinch. After returning to the paddock, I let her go and after letting Lacey have a drink she left the other mares and followed me up to the house. I took that as a good sign.

I haltered her again the next day and took her out. I let her eat grass in the gateway whilst I took Lacey for a short look around outside. Despite only being haltered and led twice, she is very soft and easy to lead. She comes off the pressure instantly and walks with the rope slack. She didn't know which way she wanted to go first. She was alert and very excited, although somewhat nervous about the new surroundings. After she had been out for 10 minutes, I put her back in the paddock and she banged on the gate and pawed the ground asking to come back out. I didn't want to have to manage the 2 of them walking so I left Lacey there with the other mares and took Scout further away up the road out of sight of the property. The other mares galloped around calling Scout. Scout raised her head a few times however she did not call back as she had the day before. I let her eat some more and then we walked a little further. She was really enjoying the change in scenery.

Watching her over the past few months has taught me a lot about her personality. She is by no means a doting mother and has given up all baby sitting responsibilities to Kiowa my stockhorse mare who very willingly accepted the job. Kiowa seems to adore Lacey and is gentle and calm with her. Scout tends to go off alone a lot or stay with Sienna. She will find Lacey when her udder is getting full and prompt her to drink. Lacey will also seek her out to feed and then go back to Kiowa or take off on her own. They are both incredibly independent and I wonder if this is common with the Spanish Mustangs...

I also have started setting up a paddock paradise in the front paddock. It seems to be working fairly well so far and the girls have certainly been moving more than usual. I spread their morning and afternoon hay right around the track. I intend to setup all the paddocks to adjoin this track once this oppressive heat subsides a little and I can get out and do some more work.

Poor Lacey has really been feeling this heat. She has been a bit grumpy the past couple of days and I suspect it is due to her suffering with that thick coat of hers and the high, humid temperatures we are experiencing at the moment. As you can see she is starting to shed out however not as quick as I suspect she would appreciate. She is a slightly more golden colour than Scout. She has kept the white shading around her muzzle and flanks also. This afternoon I decided to start pulling the hair from her legs (she does actually like this) and I was pleased to find some lovely dun striping on her front legs. She does not have it on her hind and they seem to be shedding out a very light colour. The barring on her front legs is a slate grey. She really is going to be a stunning little filly in her summer coat. Her nose has healed up nicely and the only indication of the accident is she has grown slightly lighter hair in the impact area. The people in the USA were not wrong when they commented on the extraordinary healing ability this breed has!